Recovery of Life

It's been a moment of questions, truths, desires and settling in. The deep and emotional heartfelt tug at missing the everyday moment of being back at home when seeing friends and family was an everyday occurrence and right down the road. The availability to kick up a fire outside, yell "neighbor" across the fence. To hop on the quad and hit Fall River and miserably fail at tossing flies; to wander up to the highest peaks and to the hidden flakes not on maps or a gps. To literally find myself lost in a thicket of Manzanita. To be able to wave at many because you know them. The ability to help in a seconds flash and come together as a community when needed. The ability to simply run up town (6 miles away) and meet with the truly near and dear for dinner, the gathering of old friends, the constant laughter and jokes. Canning foods together, smoking foods, the every week bbq's that I miss in the summer with my family...thank god for the family reunion next month and maybe I will even remember how old I am this time?

I miss the hugs, the I love you, the gentle touch in passing that says I'm here...all of it, every bit. I even miss the stupid rumor mill that we would make fun of. All of what I miss, all of what I remember will never go away. Each time I go home I smile but each time I come back here, to the valley I have also begun to smile. I made a decision and I made a choice and the 1st 9 months were horrifically bad and I almost fell and ran back home like a lost little girl. I held out as I told myself I would. Then bam, next thing I knew I hit my year mark. Despite not finding the sense of community in the prior 9 months I have started to find it, granted in another town, full of cops for some reason, or the redneck town across the way. While I can't say I have made friends I can say I have made some very good acquaintances and some of them, I do believe will become very good friends. I can't expect miracles in a yr ya know but I can hold true to myself, enjoy it as an adventure, make it home when I can and hopefully make this as home as well.

I do know I have endured what I jokingly refer to as culture shock. Everything seems so much faster here. I don't see horses wandering down roads, the cars are all part of a big rat race and parking spots are way to small for my truck, the amount of buildings and the things I have learned. Yes I actually thought batting cages were only in the movies, I didn't know drive ins still existed. But I am finding that there is so much to do here and even though not immediately out my front door, I am finding my wandering moments...actually I have wandered hard and far getting my bearings, kicking back on new river spots, seeing new on high vistas and I love being much closer to the coast! It's nothing for me to pop over for a day of wandering barefoot in the sand, having lunch and this summer means dory boats and the attempt at surfing...(hey Scott Lewis, I might be stealing your board if I get the hang of this ya know).

I have an amazing employer and coworkers. Good Christian people who value family and themselves and the thankfulness for the ability to even be here has set in. I have a few friends from La Pine who have moved this way and we've shared cocktails, 5 k runs, and wandering moments. I also do have family here (other than my kiddo and grandkid) though it's difficult to hook up due to schedules but they are still here and they would help if needed and they have. Whether it's a support system for health issues, offering rides, or to just be here, it's there and that's all that has mattered on more than one occasion.So now that I am past my yr mark and have started to settle in, I guess it's time to move on with that next chapter in my life; my life here mentally and physically, not just physically. I appreciate everyday and that is something that cannot be taken away. I love my "elderly clan" if you will, that I take care of and in the end, as proven this weekend, they take care of me too. I did severely wish to be home during this past weekend but in the end, I saw that in my difficult moments, I have started a life here too. Much love, thanks and happiness.