Life Uninterrupted

This morning as I hit the freeway I caught myself wondering if I left my hair straightener on. It does have auto shutoff which is why I didn't turn back. But that brought me to a Trace Adkins song in my head I hadn't heard in a long time; I left something turned on at home (haha how my mind connects) which in turn started a thought process of times in the 90's of my life, in which then I found a different country satellite station by accident that played music that sent me thinking, remembering, smiling, laughing and even brought a few unshed tears of times from childhood , through the late 90's.

I remembered falling in love yet marrying the wrong person. I remember songs dedicated to who and why. How I wanted kids, didn't want kids and why on both ends.

I thought of my English teacher who graded my first ever writing assignment, it was about abortion. I got an A and a written question. I still have that paper today in my time capsule full of whatever.

I remember the frustrations, what I believed was hate, the extreme angers at anything that seemed to move off center from my own self involved world. "Wow," I caught myself thinking, "I must have been a miserable person." A childhood friend told me several months ago that she never saw me anywhere like this which is good to know. Haha maybe it was all in my head right??

Alot of life has happened, not all of it good. Some of those memories spoke of pain and a broken heart; the one I created...the 2nd, so not created by me but so lived. But I've seen love, smiles and felt hugs inbetween I've laughed with kids and adults and played with all of our animals, made mud pies, learned to swim. I learned the value of thought at a young age. I learned respect from my hero.

I was able to reflect back and come to the present and see it all over again. Granted this was an all day affair with memories.

Despite its moments, some lasting much longer than ever should have been allowed one thing hit home today very solidly. I've come through it all and I've had a good life. The darkest of times, despite the yrs that they lasted, gave me strength. I learned perseverance. I've found myself embracing patience like a golden key of life. I've learned the value of so much and of so many that today I cried from happiness of living life. I got to experience appreciation in what I have on a different level and not worry about what I don't have. It was a reminder on so many levels, it was my own accidental, self made (not really) God moment and it started with a hair straightener. On that note, I am not using a hair straightener all weekend..it's all going wild in the wild.

It was nice to know, to see within and realize that I am not holding onto the past even with memories still apparently so active. It was nice to see that I could look up and tease the ones who are no longer here, or smile and nod and admit to others and know that in the end there are still no regrets and no forgiveness moments that haven't been given. It was good to know that I'm really not the alleged angry person. It's good to feel and feel for real. It's good to be able to think and be ok with what you do think.

It's light in life when all is realized to be ok. It's a contentment when many years later you can enjoy dancing in the kitchen while chopping fruits to preserve, by twilight, then candleight...being domestic they say...and single all on a Friday night.

On an ending note for this thought;

I spent time with my daughter this morning before I went to work. We were in a Drs office. I saw much of me in the moment when she kept one foot in front of the other and faced a bit of simple adult reality with kids, life, and significant others, work and being sick. Part of me wanted to take it away but the bigger part simply just saw and realized and knew she had just wandered another mile in the moment of life and that strength she has, ya it held.

I spoke to my son today, kicked back in a car warmed by the brief sun from the all day rage storm of wind and rain. While we were 4 hours away I held him in a good long hug for his own struggles he faces. It's all normal for his age but I remember. The I love yous shared as we all parted, from seperate worlds were so real and they always have been.

I sent my Godson a thank you and that's all that is needed to be said.

So as it I sit here, 11 pm on a Friday night know that today included the thoughts and scenarios of the day...the important stuff of life. (Sorry work is not imp life, just an ends to a mean-but by all that is above, find your passion and work it! if you don't, well then just keep working lol)

I close with a smile, a moist face from my own memorable filled tears and a simple look at the sky holding the hands of who are in my life and believing. Blessed Be God Bles