In the Know

There is a destiny to be had by each of us. Some may never know others will know exactly...everyone will question. I did, sometimes still do but for me the secret seems to be the quitting. I quit looking, searching, asking, the trying to force a destiny and in doing so, slowly I am feeling more in tune, more comfortable, more confident not just in myself but in others. I wonder if this is a natural release to a negativity from within. It's like I am finding a new part of me. A part that recognizes it's OK to be softer on the outside not always such a tough exterior...yeah loosen up a bit girl lol.

I can't remember this moment as a kid but a childhood friend recently said she has admired two qualities in me since we were kids (12-14) and that caught me by surprise. My strong heart and kindness. It was an instant watering eye once it sank in. And in that it was then I realized I always had that side that truly cared about much and passionate about so much. Just much got buried. I really don't remember me being that way during those years...not by a long shot but today I work at it and I have found just a different depth...oh damned I think I just grew up a bit ;). Ok fine sheesh.

It's been a tough bitter hard angry fight fraught with a deep anger, yes I said that twice. That's how I felt it. Today my grandpa is still my hero...he taught me to fight. Keep fighting and find the good life. That echo started when I was 12 when he came to Washington, where we lived. He was right. I'm not done realizing the good life but I smile with a knowing smile and simply I know. I know what's there, what can be had. The picture is very clear as is the heart and that my friends is the beginning result of me finding that good life. Through this tiny bit of an window that has opened, two things I know, knew then and will never change...I feel very deeply. That unbreakable bond of a true love both in family and friends. That's not always an easy Rd either ;). But want I want in life has never wavered. I've never changed my mind. I know where I want to be, how I want to be, and feel. This thought is not foreign as I've known this since early high school. If I never get what I want I'll be OK as few never do get it but I believe I will.